That was one of the longest journeys into my heart that I have ever made. It turned out that the void isn’t that empty at all. The loneliness is really hard to take, and you often get to a point where you think you can’t take any more. But the so-called nothing – attracts you. One wonders why there is so much in nothing. The pain is a constant companion. Since there is nothing else, the pain becomes your friend. You hate it and at the same time you know that nothing and nobody is there. Nobody will hug you. Just the pain.
On the way one encounters different feelings that the body evokes. Injustice – suddenly you realize that there is no justice. The longing for love reveals to you that you are the love. Loneliness, loneliness and no end in sight. You get drunk. Wakes up again and realizes that you haven’t made any progress. You give up and think I’ve reached the bottom of loneliness. Suddenly the ground opens and you fall into infinity. Nothing holds you anymore, there is nothing that you can hold onto. You fall, fall… This is the moment when you give up the control. Thoughts vanish. You don’t think anything. Suddenly feelings flood you. You can feel it all over your body. The icy cold is starting to melt. At this point the words end. The imagination ends. The fear ends. Everything ends. You have arrived.
“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”
― Oriah Mountain Dreamer